Father Percy
by PrincessCeliel
Summary: *It is recommended that you read Mother Thalia and Father Nico first.* Thalia and Nico have been turned into little kids, and Percy's in charge of taking care of them. That means nothing can go wrong...right?
1. Not Hiding

**Hey guys! I know I said I would start Father Percy in July, but I just couldn't wait. The only problem is, I'm really scared that this won't be as funny as Mother Thalia or Father Nico. So if you guys can help – tell me if it's OOC, or if it isn't funny, or if it just sucks in general. Any help whatsoever would be so incredibly appreciated. Thank you so much!**

**And I do not own PJO.**

Perseus Jackson was not hiding. He did not _hide_. He was just…in Annabeth's cabin…underneath her bed…_not_ hiding.

"Hey guys." He heard the tired voice of his girlfriend entering the cabin. "I haven't seen Percy all day."

Someone mumbled something, but Percy couldn't hear.

Annabeth moved over to her bed, and Percy could see her feet. "Yeah, I think Thalia and Nico are looking for him. Well, actually, they're trying their best _not_ to look for him."

What the Hades did that mean?

Someone said something, and the cabin erupted into laughter. Annabeth sat down on her bed, and her legs swung out from underneath her.

Very, very slowly, Percy reached out and poked her ankle.

Nothing happened.

He reached out again, when someone shrieked. He yanked his hand back underneath the safety of the bed.

"Um, Annabeth, I may have found Percy." One of Athena's sons spoke up.

"Where?" Annabeth asked.

The kid must have pointed, because Annabeth cautiously lowered herself down, and peered under her bed. "Percy Jackson! What are you doing?"

"Shh!" Percy hissed. He waited until he was certain no one had heard Annabeth's outburst before leaning forward. "I'm _not_ hiding."

Annabeth sighed. "Percy! Chiron has been looking for you all day."

"Will you walk me to the Big House?" Percy pleaded.

Annabeth sighed. "Fine."

Percy silently cheered and crawled out of the cramped position he had been in for most of the day.

All the Athena campers stared at him, slightly horrified.

"Percy," Malcolm coughed. "How long were you planning on staying underneath Annabeth's bed?"

Percy paused. "Uh – I didn't really think that far ahead."

"Come on, Seaweed Brain." Annabeth snapped. "Dinner's going to be soon and I'm not going to be late because I was walking you to the Big House."

Percy jogged after her.

They made it to the Big House relatively quickly, and Annabeth pecked Percy on the cheek before heading to the dining pavilion.

Percy glanced left and right before hesitantly knocking on the door. Privately, he was praying that his cousins, Nico and Thalia wouldn't find him. They had turned completely insane overnight. Both of them were in cahoots with each other in a campaign to make Percy lose it. He just knew there was a secret conspiracy going on. It was probably called DPTTBOI, or Drive Percy To The Brink Of Insanity. See, Thalia and Nico suddenly seemed to have gained mind-reading abilities. They both knew EVERYTHING. It was super embarrassing. Nico kept telling him he made a good cat, and Thalia kept telling him that he should follow his dreams and become a famous singer.

The door swung open, and Percy took a step back. Instead of Chiron, someone else was waiting for him.

"Hi, Dad."


	2. Here They Come

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO.**

**Also, I've heard of these things called "Requests," where readers ask for certain stories or one shots and then include specific things they want to see within them, and writers write those. I would like to start doing stuff like that, since I don't really have too many stories and stuff going on right now. Since, of course, I'm me, I have no idea how to sign up and stuff, so instead, I've just decided to tell as many people as I can about it. If you would like me to write something for you, you can go on my profile and see the categories that I like writing for, and then PM me about it. I would love to do anything for Percy Jackson, and then a few other categories. Thanks!**

Poseidon looked down at his son calmly. "Hello, Percy. Why don't you come in?"

"Sure." Percy nodded. "I heard that Chiron was calling me."

"Yes, he wanted you here because I need to speak with you."

Poseidon led Percy to the living room, and they sat down.

"Okay, so what did you want to talk to me about?" Percy asked. His dad rarely ever came down to visit, so this must have been serious.

"Percy, I'm sure you've noticed your cousins, Nico and Thalia, have been acting rather strange recently." Poseidon began.

"Yeah, they've become really weird." Percy agreed. "I don't get what's wrong with them! I mean, like, one second it's all cool, and then the next they're all like 'oh, you're hungry Percy,' and 'oh, you'd make a great cat Percy' and 'oh, you're not as stupid as you look, Percy, and you look pretty stupid,' and –"

"Perseus." Poseidon cut him off gently. "Yes, well, the reason they're like that is because they had to take a test. The test was that we, the gods, shrunk down you and one of your cousins to a very young age. Your other cousin that remained their age would have to take care of you children, and in the process, develop close relations. Close enough that they eventually were able to know instantly what you and the other cousin needed."

"Uh…" Percy paused. "So, Thalia and Nico took this test?"

"That's right." Poseidon nodded.

"Wait, so what does that have anything to do with me?" Percy questioned.

Poseidon sighed, and then explained it again.

Percy nodded slowly. "So I was a kid twice? Why don't I remember this?"

"We manipulated the mist to place false memories in your mind. Once you complete your test, all three of you should retain the memories of being young." Poseidon answered.

"Right…so…" Suddenly, a horrified expression dawned on Percy's face. "This means I have to take care of a little Thalia and Nico?!"

Poseidon jumped up. "Well, anyway, here is a wallet that will hold an endless amount of cash, drachmas, and credit cards, in case you need it. Also, your demigod smell has been removed, so you can go out of camp with the kids – oh, and Zeus and Hades have promised that you can go in the air, underground, or on the sea, without any issues from any of us. All right, son, good luck, and good bye!"

"Wait!" Percy yelled. "Can't we just play pinochle instead?"

Poseidon shook his head and disappeared with a flash of golden light.

Percy sighed, when he suddenly heard something outside. Carefully, he went over to the door and opened it, to reveal –

"Thalia? Nico?"

A little girl glared up at him. "Percy?"

"Um yes. Hello. It's nice to meet you." Percy said awkwardly.

"We know who you are." Nico told him.

Percy squinted at them. Thalia and Nico looked like they were around the same age, although what age that was, Percy wasn't sure.

"Do you know who we are?" Nico asked, suddenly looking very concerned. He turned to Thalia. "What if he doesn't know who we are?"

Thalia gasped and ran toward Percy. She put her arms around his right leg and began shaking back and forth wildly. "PERCY! DO YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE?"

"YES!" Percy shouted, snapping to attention. "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

"GOOD!" Thalia shrieked. "CAN WE HAVE DINNER? I'M HUNGRY!"

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Nico shouted.

"I DON'T KN – um, yeah, let's go have dinner. And stop yelling." Percy nodded.

"ARE YOU GOING TO CARRY ME?" Thalia screamed.

Percy carefully put his arms around her and picked her up. "Will you stop yelling now?"

"NO!" Thalia screeched – right in his ear.

"Ow!" Percy whined. "That was painful."

"Don't be a crybaby." Nico said. "Ooh! Pick me up too!"

Percy grabbed Nico, and then stepped out of the Big House. Luckily, no one else was around to watch him. They'd all point and laugh and no one would help. Demigods were the worst at helping others.


	3. FLY

Percy walked into the dining pavilion, still holding his two cousins. He staggered toward the Poseidon table and dropped both of the kids.

"Okay, we're here." Percy sighed in relief. "What do you want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." Nico whined.

"Yeah, me neither." Thalia nodded.

"But you said you were." Percy reminded them.

The two of them shrugged. "We lied."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Percy asked, hoping they would say something along the lines of 'sleep and stop embarrassing you in front of camp.'

"I want to sing." Nico told him. "Will you sing with me?"

"Uh, no thanks. You go ahead." Percy mumbled.

"Well, I want to eat your face." Thalia spoke up. "Rawr! I'm a zombie!"

Percy scanned the dining pavilion, looking for someone who might help.

A blonde face peered back at him, and Percy grinned in relief. The daughter of Athena always had a plan. "Annabeth! Can you help me?"

"You mean 'will I help you?' And I'm not sure." Annabeth replied, grinning at him to let him know she was teasing.

"Who's that?" Thalia asked.

"This is my girlfriend, Annabeth." Percy said proudly.

"Your girlfriend? Ew! Cooties!" Nico shouted.

"Aw, it's cute." Thalia replied. She turned to Percy. "Are you going to marry her and have three hundred babies?"

"Uh…" Percy shot a terrified look at Annabeth, who only snorted in amusement.

"Probably not three hundred." She amended.

Thalia nodded seriously. Then she stood up.

"FLY!"

Without warning, Nico shot forward and started punching Thalia. She hit him back, and he pulled her hair. Soon, they were in a full-out fist fight.

"Percy!" Annabeth cried. "Break it up!"

Percy reached forward, grabbing Nico's hand.

"Stop you guys! Don't hurt each other! No! Wrong! OW! ANNABETH! HE BIT ME!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes and separated the three – sorry, two – children.

"That was wrong. You should not be hurting each other. Nico, why did you do that in the first place?" Annabeth lectured gently.

"There was a fly on top of Thalia's head." Nico answered innocently.

Suddenly, a sharp buzzing sound reached Percy's ears. He turned to see a fly buzzing around his head. He batted away, and turned around.

Nico and Thalia were staring at him, contemplatively. They glanced at each other.

"FLY!"

Percy landed back on the ground, Nico and Thalia pummeling him mercilessly. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was that demigod training was really useless against two little kids. Man, this was just _embarrassing_.


	4. Long Night

**Dear Readers, **

**I'm sorry that I haven't been writing very much, but my school is going to start up soon.**

**However, I would like to ask a favor of you guys. Have any of you read the book "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson? For my school, I have to write a report on it, but I have almost no inspiration to write. **

**I'm sure that if I have someone to talk about the book, and bounce ideas, I would get some inspiration, but unfortunately, I don't know anyone who has read the book. **

**If any of you have read the book and wouldn't mind discussing it and stuff, would you PM me?**

**I would really appreciate having someone understand what I'm talking about when I rant, and vice versa. **

**If anyone at all would PM me, I would really be grateful.**

**Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson.**

When Percy woke up, he immediately remembered his horrible dream. It was the worst nightmare he'd ever had – even worse than Kronos and the nightmares that followed that. His two cousins, Nico di Angelo and Thalia Grace, had been turned into little kids!

Relieved that it had just been an awful nightmare, Percy opened his eyes. He recognized the ceiling of the infirmary, and paused. Why exactly was he in the infirmary?

"Good, you're awake." Annabeth's voice floated into his mind. "Get up."

Slowly, he swung himself out of bed. "Hey. Annabeth, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had..."

Thalia and Nico, aged (well, Percy didn't actually know what age they were) were staring back at him.

"Oh...so I guess it wasn't a dream." He muttered to himself.

"You're such a wimp, Percy." Thalia stated matter-of-factly.

"Excuse me?" Percy stood up.

"Yeah, I mean, we were just punching at the fly. Why did you go to sleep?" Nico cut in. "Bedtime's not until nine!"

"What time is it?" Percy turned to Annabeth, ignoring the fact that two little kids were calling him a wimp.

"Nine." Annabeth replied. "But that's beside the point. Perce, you're supposed to this whole thing by yourself. I can't keep coming to your rescue when things get out of hand."

"You mean, you're not going to help me?" Percy asked, horrified.

"I mean, I can't help you." Annabeth corrected. "It would literally be going against the gods. So, Chiron and I had a conversation, and we decided that it would be best if you and the kids left camp for a little while. You could go somewhere fun, like to a museum, or a historical landmark."

"What? I have to leave camp?" Percy sat down, suddenly feeling faint. "With those two? All by myself? What?"

"You'll be fine, Percy. You're great with kids!" Annabeth told him with false enthusiasm. It was obvious that she wasn't thrilled about setting Percy with two kids loose on the city, either. "Plus, you can always IM me."

"Ooh! Ooh! Can we go to the zoo?" Thalia shrieked.

"Yeah!" Nico agreed. "ZOO! ZOO! ZOO!"

"ZOO! ZOO! ZOO! ZOO! ZOO! ZOO!"

"OKAY!" Percy shouted over the chanting. "We'll go to the zoo. Annabeth, we can still come back for the night, right?"

"Um..."

"Could you at least make a reservation at a hotel for me?" Percy pleaded, giving her his best puppy dog look.

Annabeth sighed. "Fine. I'll let you know where I find a free room."

"Yes!" Percy pumped his fist in the air, before turning to his two little cousins. "All right, guys, zoo it is!"

"Woohoo! Yay!" Thalia cheered.

"Aww, man!" Nico complained. "I wanted to go to the ballet."

Percy paused. "What? Why did you chant for the zoo, then?"

"Because I thought you got that I meant that I wanted to go to the ballet." Nico explained.

"Why do you want to go to the ballet? Do you even know what that is?" Percy asked.

"Yes! It's where swans act like people!" Nico stated proudly.

Percy glanced around the room before nodding slowly. "Well, okay, then."

"You have no idea what a ballet is, either, do you?" Annabeth accused.

"Well, I know it has dancing in it!" Percy said defensively. "Anyway, maybe we can find a ballet on our way to the zoo."

"Yay! Woohoo!" Nico shouted.

Percy put his hands over his ears and sighed. "Tomorrow, okay? We'll do all this tomorrow. For now, let's go to sleep."

"Okay." The two kids chirped. They climbed into the bed and crawled next to Percy. Once they were comfortable, they curled into two balls and promptly fell asleep.

Percy winced. Thalia was sleeping on his arm, and Nico was on his stomach.

This was going to be a long night.


	5. Clothing

When Percy woke up the next morning, Nico and Thalia were both on opposite ends of the bed, fast asleep. Relieved at not having to deal with them so early, Percy quietly snuck outside. Here was his chance...

"Percy? What are you doing?"

Percy whirled around to see Annabeth, giving him a suspicious look.

"Nothing!" Percy answered quickly. "I was not running away!"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Well, I just came to tell you that I got you a reservation at a Mariott hotel. It took me a while to convince Chiron that you deserved it, so you better not ruin this."

"I won't, I promise. Thank you so much, Annabeth!" Percy grinned. He pumped his fist in the air.

"No problem. So, Percy, what exactly are you going to pack? You and the kids aren't going to wear the same outfits every day, now are you?" Annabeth asked, watching him in dry amusement.

"Aw man." Percy sighed. "But the Scooby Doo gang do it all the time."

"What?"

"Never mind. Yeah, yeah, I'll go talk to Chiron about it. We can stop by the mall on the way to the zoo and ballet." Percy grumbled. "Or do you think Walmart has good enough clothes?"

Annabeth grinned. "Or you could go ask the Aphrodite cabin."

Percy paused. "Or I could do that."

"You can go now. I'll keep an eye on Nico and Thalia until you get back."

Percy kissed his girlfriend gratefully. "I'll be back in two minutes. Maybe three."

Annabeth smiled and shook her head. "Hurry up. I'm not supposed to be helping you, remember?"

"I won't tell if you won't." Percy winked before hopping off the steps and jogging away. He could hear Annabeth's laughter, and he smiled to himself.

The Aphrodite cabin came into view, and Percy took a deep breath before knocking.

Luckily, Mitchell answered the door. Percy liked Mitchell.

"Hey Percy. Do you need a bag of clothes for Nico and Thalia?"

"How did you know?" Percy exclaimed.

Mitchell grinned sheepishly. "Well, Thalia and Nico both asked for help on their turns, too. We just kept a bag of enchanted clothes on hand, since we figured it might be helpful."

"I think that the entire camp is more prepared for this than I am." Percy grumbled.

"Well, we've all had more practice than you." Mitchell pointed out, handing Percy the bag.

"Mitchell, I've got to ask. How was I as a kid?" Percy asked suddenly.

Mitchell was suddenly very interested in his shoes. "Um..."

Percy suddenly was hit with a feeling of dread. "Actually, never mind. I'll just go know. Nico and Thalia will be waking up soon."

Mitchell seemed relieved. ""Okay. Bye!"


	6. Pink

By the time Percy returned, both Nico and Thalia were wide awake.

"Percy!" Nico threw himself into Percy's arms. "That girl, your Cootie-Friend, says that I have to take a bath! I don't wanna take a bath!"

"Uh, Nico, taking a bath is a really good idea." Percy began, trying to convince Nico.

Nico gave him a horrified look. "You and Cootie-Friend are on the same side!"

"Don't call her Cootie-Friend! Her name is Annabeth." Percy reprimanded.

"Cootie-Annabeth?" Nico asked in confusion.

"No, just Annabeth."

"Just-Annabeth?" Nico repeated. His horrified expression returned. "Just-Annabeth wants me to take a bath!"

"I brought you some new, really cool clothes!" Percy quickly changed the subject. "But they have this magic on them. You can only get to wear them if you take a bath."

"MAGICAL CLOTHES!" Thalia shrieked in excitement. She threw herself off the bed and sprinted for the bathroom.

Nico wobbled off the bed and hurried after her. "Wait! I wanna shower!"

"Here, Nico, you can use a different bathroom." Percy called after him.

It took forty-five minutes, with Percy alternating from Thalia's bathroom to Nico's bathroom, but eventually, they got ready.

Well, Thalia got ready.

Nico looked in dismay at the blue jeans and the white T-shirt, with the cast of _Adventure Time!_ on it.

"This is pink! I'm not wearing pink! Pink is a girl color! Get me something brown."

Percy took a deep breath, wondering how to convince Nico that the pink hair of one of the characters would do nothing to affect his manliness.

Suddenly, electricity seemed to crackle. Percy whirled around to see Thalia, dangerously livid. She hopped off the bed and stormed over to stand towering over Nico. Her few inches height gave her an intimidating advantage.

"Thalia…" Percy squeaked, looking around desperately for Annabeth. He couldn't exactly take down a little kid with Riptide, no matter how scary she looked.

"Excuse me?" Thalia thundered. "I'm wearing pink! I eat pink ice cream! I like pink! Do you see me frolicking in the fields and pooping out rainbows? Do you? DO YOU?!"

Nico wore the _Adventure Time!_ shirt.


	7. Shark Flavor

Percy wondered why he even tried. He really wondered.

After hopping in the shower, and then throwing some clothes on, he'd taken Thalia and Nico to the dining pavilion, where they'd barely managed to pick up a pancake before Chiron had trotted over, saying that Argus was ready to go.

Argus had dropped them off in front of a zoo.

"Zoo!" Thalia screamed excitedly. "Zoo! Zoo!"

"I wanted ballet where swans get to be people!" Nico pouted angrily. He turned on Percy. "Where is my swan?"

"Okay, first of all, you're not getting a swan. Second of all, we'll go to your ballet after the zoo. How about that? Maybe we'll go tomorrow or something, and spend the whole day there instead of just part of the day." Percy said diplomatically.

Nico nodded thoughtfully. "Okay. But I still get a swan, right?"

He ran away before Percy could refuse.

Percy sighed and shook his head – he'd deal with that problem when they got there. For now, he had to figure out how to wander through the zoo without killing anyone.

Unfortunately, "anyone" also included his two, _lovely_ cousins.

"Wait! Nico! Thalia!" Percy yelled out desperately as he noticed them rushing away. "Let's get some food first!"

Instantly, they popped up at his side again.

"Ice cream?" Thalia asked hopefully.

"Let's eat shark!" Nico shouted.

Percy blinked. "Shar – uh, let's eat ice cream for breakfast."

Thalia cheered.

Nico punched Percy in the knee in disappointment.

Percy crumpled to the ground, groaning in pain.

After a few minutes of rolling around trying not to cry, he managed to get up.

They walked into an ice cream parlor that had just opened. The lady behind the counter leaned over and smiled at Nico and Thalia.

"Hello, kids. Are you having fun? What kind of ice cream do you want?"

"I'm having lots of fun!" Thalia said politely. "Can I have strawberry ice cream please?"

Percy tried not to choke. Thalia Grace, saying _please_?

"I'm having a bad day. I wanted to go to the ballet and get a swan, but we came to the zoo again. Do you have any ice cream that's shark flavored?" Nico asked, reaching for a stray spoon on the counter.

The lady blinked.

"He means chocolate!" Percy blurted out. "He calls chocolate shark flavor."

"Well, what would you like, young man?" The lady nodded.

"I'll have blue ice cream, thank you." Percy decided.

Thalia glanced at him. "Nico can't have shark flavor, but you're going to have blue?"

"Blue is raspberry." Percy explained. "There's no such thing as shark flavor."

"Blue is shark flavor?" Nico turned on Percy. "BUT YOU JUST SAID BROWN WAS SHARK FLAVOR! WHICH ONE IS SHARK FLAVOR?"

Percy put his hand over Nico's mouth. "Brown. Brown is shark flavor."

"Oh, okay." Nico nodded and happily skipped over to a table.

Percy breathed a sigh of relief.

He should've known his relief wouldn't last long.

As they were finishing their ice cream, an elderly lady walked in. Her eyes landed on Percy, cleaning off Nico's stray shark flavor ice cream with a napkin, and she stormed over.

"How dare you!" She shrieked, pointing a bony finger at Percy.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Percy asked in confusion.

"How dare you have two children? What kind of example do you think you're setting for them, that their father was a teenage dad? Don't you teenagers understand that abstinence is the best form of birth control? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

Percy glanced at Nico and Thalia, who both looked utterly terrified. Calmly, he stood up.

"Ma'am, if you would please calm down, I'll explain to you that I'm not a teenage dad. As a matter of fact, these two kids are my cous –"

He was cut off by the old lady's huge, heavy purse, colliding with his face.

"GAH! My face!" Percy cried out, landing on the ground. He didn't have any time to get his bearings, though, because the bag continued its assault on him, while the old lady hurled out insults.

"You are the personal cause of slavery, you charlatan! How can you call yourself a father, with the way you treat your children! Ice cream for breakfast? What kind of deadly ritual is that? You are the reason the Civil War started!" The woman screamed.

"Lady…" Percy gasped. "Didn't the Civil War happen before I was born?"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE BECAUSE YOU CAUSED AN ASTERIOD TO COME DOWN TO EARTH!" The woman screeched. Her bag kept up its abuse.

"Um, excuse me, Bag Lady," Nico spoke up calmly. "Are you a swan?"


	8. Swans

**Hi, y'all! Thanks for being patient with me! Please review after this chapter – I cannot tell you how much I love to read reviews!**

After security arrived and escorted the Crazy Bag Lady away from Percy, the three of them sat down on a bench. The zoo manager had been so apologetic about the issue, he'd let them in for free, which Percy was thankful for. He had a feeling there would be a lot of trouble if he had to deal with his cousins in front of other people. Namely, jail. For trying to subdue them. Did Mount Olympus have lawyers?

Zeus probably wouldn't let Percy use them anyway.

"Percy!" Thalia whined, tugging on Percy's shirt. "Let's go see the lions! Roar!"

"Swans?" Nico perked up. "We're going to go see swans?"

"No, we're going to see lions. Come on, Percy!"

With a sigh, Percy stood up. "Let's go then, you guys."

"Yay!" Nico cheered. "Swans!"

"What is up with your obsession with swans?" Percy asked, keeping an eye on Thalia, who was charging ahead.

"Swans are my family." Nico answered. "Also, what does obsession mean?"

"Never mind." Percy shook his head. "Let's go see lions, and then we'll look for your swans."

"Swans!" Nico yelled out happily. With a delighted laugh, he ran after Thalia, who shrieked and took off running.

Percy followed them quickly, trying not to smile. They were kind of adorable.

He caught up to them right at the lion's pen, where they were both standing, staring openmouthed at the magnificent creature. Percy glanced at it briefly, but it reminded him too much of the Nemean Lion. He didn't really care for that memory.

"Hey, Percy, can the lion talk?" Thalia asked suddenly.

"Uh…no." Percy answered.

"Why?" Nico asked.

"Because it's a lion." Percy answered.

"I can speak lion!" Thalia said proudly. "Watch!"

Before Percy could say anything, she turned to the lion and cupped her hands against her mouth. "HHHHEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO, LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN."

"Thalia you're just making your words long. You just said 'hello, lion.'" Percy said in disbelief.

"If Dory can talk to whales, then I can talk to lions." Thalia said stubbornly. She turned back to the lion. "WWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTTTT ISSSSSS YYYYOOOOOOUUUUURRRRRRR NNNNNNAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEE?"

The lion stood up suddenly and padded over to the side of the pen, staring at Thalia quizzically. Then, it let out a soft whine.

"HEEEELLLLLOOOOOO, LEEEEEOOOONNNNNN!" Thalia waved. She whirled around to Percy. "Percy, the lion's name is Leon!"

"The lion's name is Leon." Percy repeated. "O-kay. Come on, guys, let's go look for swans now."

"No!" Thalia complained.

Percy sighed, waiting for Nico's customary "Swans!"

When it didn't come, he turned and looked around.

Uh-oh.

"Where's Nico?" He blurted out.

"NIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOO!" Thalia added helpfully.

Percy did a full 360, searching for a tiny little child. He could see none in the immediate vicinity, except for Thalia, who was still chatting with Leon.

"Hades, Hades, Hades!" Percy chanted frantically. "NICO! NNNNNIIIIIICCCCCOOOOO!"

"Hi, Percy! Look! Swans!"

Percy whirled around, to see Nico.

Sitting on a swan.


	9. Ballet

Percy freaked.

"Nico! What are you doing? Get off that swan!" He demanded, rushing over.

"No! This is Pinky, and I love her." Nico replied.

"Nico, please get off the swan." Percy begged. "It's dangerous! Also, zoo security is eyeing us."

Nico thought for a moment, while Pinky snapped at Percy angrily.

"No, I like Pinky more." Nico decided. "Pinky, let's fly!"

Pinky flapped her wings awkwardly before wobbling away. Nico shrieked in delight. "Yay! Flying! Flying!"

Percy turned to Thalia, hoping she could offer some help, but she was just sitting on a bench, munching some popcorn.

"Hey! Where did you get that popcorn?" Percy asked, praying to Zeus that she hadn't picked it up off the ground.

Thalia shrugged. "I took it from that big man."

Percy turned to see a tall, blond man searching through his things, presumably looking for his popcorn.

Percy sighed. Should he deal with Nico's love of swans first, or Thalia's kleptomaniac tendencies? Only one of those options sounded sane – only one of those options would NOT result in him getting squashed onto the ground, possibly in animal poop, and then being kicked out of the zoo. Yes, he would choose the safe option.

He got up and approached Nico and Pinky.

"Nico, come on!" Percy said in a falsely cheery voice. "We're going to go…eat!"

"I don't wanna eat." Nico replied.

"What do you want to do?" Percy asked impatiently. "We'll go do that."

"Ride a swan." Nico answered.

"Anything other than that." Percy amended.

Nico shrugged. "I don't know."

"Nico, you can't sit on a swan." Percy snapped. "Just come down, please?"

Nico frowned slightly. "But it's okay! Pinky is a nice swan."

Pinky glared viciously at Percy. She bobbed her head up and down slightly, as if to mimic killing him.

Percy winced. "Sure, I bet she's great. But you know what's even…greater?"

"What?" Nico asked, curious despite himself.

"Come here without Pinky and I'll tell you." Percy suggested.

Nico instantly shied away from the idea.

"Okay, fine." Percy sighed. "I really wanted to tell you, but I guess I just have to tell Thalia. I can't tell you if you're on Pinky."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nico screamed. He stood up on Pinky and then leapt through the air.

Percy cursed and jumped, trying to catch Nico. Lucky for the young child, he had a nice, soft, cushioned landing. His landing was on Percy.

Percy groaned.

"Ooooh!" Thalia squealed, rushing over. "Nico, you can speak lion, too! Come with me, let's go talk to Leon."

"No!" Percy cried. "No, no more talking – or riding – animals. Let's...let's just go somewhere else now."

Nico perked up in excitement. "Ballet? We can go see more swans! Hundreds of swans!"

"Okay!" Percy sagged in relief. "Okay, let's go to the ballet!"

**Hey, guys, sorry it's so short, but I have to tell you: I've just finished my very first original novel! It's on Wattpad, under the account, "TheLostPrincess1998." It's called "The Maledictus." If you have any free time, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check it out! It's my first original novel, and I really want some feedback.**

**The summary is basically this: Celia Loveford was a completely ordinary girl before her parents were taken prisoner by evil King Caedis. Celia vows to do anything to get them back, including everything from joining the rebellion to infiltrating the king's own castle. Along the way, she uncovers a deeply buried secret, and realizes that she has more to do with the fate of the kingdom than she ever would have thought. **

**If you have questions, PM me!**


	10. Peter Johnson

**Hi everyone! Sorry; I know it's been a while. To be honest, I've been getting some major Writer's Block with all my stories. Can I ask you guys for a favor? In the reviews, just leave little ideas on what you think will happen next. Then I can read those and come up with some new, better ideas. Thanks guys! You're all the best!**

Percy was beginning to get very nervous. It was getting close to four o'clock, and the ballet closed at five on Sundays. He was hoping that Nico would settle for going in, watching the dancers for a few minutes, and then getting out again. With any luck, they wouldn't break anything in that short of a time frame.

It had taken them a half an hour to find a taxi cab, and then another hour to find the ballet place, because the cab driver had gotten lost and then Thalia had tried to jump out the window to chase a butterfly.

"Fifty dollars, kid." The cab driver grunted, finally parking in front of an inconspicuous little building. "This is it."

"Thanks." Percy told him, pulling a wad of cash out of his wallet. "Keep the change."

"SWANS!" Nico shrieked at the top of his lungs.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go, you guys. Go inside." Percy corralled the two of them in through the front door.

A fancy, well-dressed woman glared at them from behind the receptionist desk.

"Hi." Percy said uncomfortably.

"What do you think you are doing?" She asked in a very high, snobbish tone.

"We're here to see the ballet." Percy explained. "I was hoping we could just get in, and then leave right away. Money isn't a problem."

He had never said those words in his life.

"There is no ballet." The receptionist snapped.

"What do you mean?" Percy asked. "The cab guy's GPS said this was the ballet place."

"There's no ballet _today_." The woman amended. "The Nutcracker begins at two o'clock exactly tomorrow, and there are no late arrivals. You come at two, or you don't come at all."

Nico looked up at Percy hopefully. "Tomorrow? Please please please!"

Percy sighed heavily. "Fine. Can we have three tickets for tomorrow's show?"

"It's called a '_production_.'" The woman pronounced snootily, but she accepted Percy's cash.

Percy stuffed the tickets into his back pocket and turned to Thalia and Nico. "Come on, guys, let's go get a cab. We might as well head over to the hotel now."

"What's a hotel?" Thalia asked.

Percy took her hand and grabbed the back of Nico's shirt. "Well, a hotel is basically a place where we're going to sleep."

"Is there going to be a bed?" Thalia asked.

"Yep." Percy nodded. He let go of Nico for a second to flag down a cab.

"Is there going to be a TV?" Nico questioned.

"Probably." Percy shrugged. He waved his hand out again, but the cabs mysteriously stayed away.

"What's the hotel called?" Thalia interrogated.

"Mariott hotel." Percy answered, waving frantically. One taxi sped by, without any passengers. The driver slowed and glanced at them before stepping on the gas.

"Isn't that the hotel?" Thalia tugged on Percy's hand and pointed across the street.

Sure enough, the tall, recognizable Mariott hotel was staring back at them.

"Oh, I guess we don't need a taxi after all." Percy mumbled. He picked up Nico and then readjusted his grip on Thalia. "Nice reading, Thals."

"I can't read." Thalia snapped. "You should know this, Percy."

"But you just read the name of the hotel and –"

"I said I can't read!" Thalia yelled.

"Okay, okay, you can't read." Percy muttered.

They crossed the street, but before entering, Percy stopped. "Okay, guys, before we go in, I have to tell you some rules."

"I'm super good at following rules!" Nico cheered.

"Right…well, listen up." Percy took a deep breath. "First of all, no screaming or running in the lobby. Second, you have to listen to me and do what I say. Third, don't talk to any strangers, okay? Finally, if you get lost, find a security guard and tell them to find PERCY JACKSON. Got it?"

"Be good, and if we get lost, ask for Peter Johnson. Got it." Thalia repeated.

"NOOO!" Nico shouted. "He said ask for Penelope Jaywater!"

"No! He said Priscilla Junie!" Thalia yelled back.

"Nuh uh!" Nico replied. "Penny Jackople!"

"Pace Jefferson!"

Pablo Jones!"

"Paige Jenn!"

"Parsely Jyo!"

"Paul Jonderman!"

"Uh, guys?" Percy interrupted.

"Shut up, Percy!" Thalia screamed. She turned back to Nico. "He said Pamela Judy!"

"Parastu Jupple!" Nico screeched.

"I SAID PERCY JACKSON!" Percy bellowed.

Everyone in the near vicinity immediately shut up.

"Ha! I told you so." Thalia said smugly. "Peter Johnson."

Percy groaned.


	11. Hotel Lobby

**Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Joyous Kwanza! Spiritually Fulfilling Equinox! Happy Holidays! Sorry this is so late, you guys, but my WiFi decided to stop working. I wrote this on Christmas Eve, but I'm posting it now.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO.**

**Last note: this chapter is dedicated to Marzue, for the brilliant idea of the bellhop trolley. Seriously guys, send in reviews full of what you think should happen next, so I can get over my Writer's Block. By the way, thank Marzue! I really appreciate it. **

"Reservation for the Jackson party." The hotel employee muttered under his breath. "Ah, yes, Perseus Jackson?"

Percy nodded eagerly. "That's me."

"Alright, now I just need identification and payment." The man nodded.

"Uh…" Percy handed the man the credit card from his wallet, trying to think of a way to get out of showing ID. He didn't exactly have any.

The man ran the card through the computer. His eyes almost bugged out when he looked at the screen. "Oh, my. My goodness."

"No identification necessary?" Percy asked smugly.

"No, sir, no. No identification necessary."

Percy grinned. He turned to look at Nico and Thalia, only to get a major shock. They were both missing – again.

"PEEEERRRRCCCCYYYYY!"

He looked up, almost afraid at what he was about to find.

Nico and Thalia were both hanging off of a bellhop's trolley, speeding around the lobby.

"What are you two doing?" Percy bellowed. "Get off that right now! That's dangerous!"

"Choo choo!" Nico shrieked excitedly.

Percy chased them around the lobby, yelling at all the other people to get out of the way. Women screeched and jumped onto the benches. Men tried to stop the trolley, but flinched and rolled away at the last second. And all the children were screaming excitedly.

"Momma, I wanna try that!"

"Father, let me! I want to! Me!"

"Dada, me! Me! Me!"

Finally, Percy gave a burst of speed and leaped onto the trolley. He yanked out Riptide and slammed it against the wheels. The three of them went flying through the air. Luckily, Thalia and Nico had a soft landing. Unluckily, once again, it was on Percy.

Percy looked up just in time to see the manager running into the lobby. "Oh my! Oh my!"

Percy groaned, praying that his credit card had enough money to cover the damage.

"Yay, Percy, let's do that again!" Nico cheered. "That was so much fun!"

"You looked like a monkey." Thalia told Percy seriously. "When you were chasing after us."

"WHAT WERE YOU TWO THINKING?" Percy screamed. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS? YOU COULD HAVE DIED!"

Suddenly, a very familiar woman came running into the lobby, holding her bag like a baseball bat.

"Uh oh…" Percy felt very sick, suddenly.

"YOU HEATHEN! HOW DARE YOU HAVE CHILDREN! YOU'RE NOT EVEN EIGHTEEN!"

"They're not my kids! They're my cousins!" Percy protested.

"I SAW YOU SCOLDING THEM! NO MERE COUSIN SCOLDS! YOU ARE THEIR FATHER!" The woman approached menacingly before swinging her bag viciously.

"Ow! No, lady! OW! You've got it wrong! They were riding around on a trolley and could have OW!"

"YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING! HOW DARE YOU HAVE CHILDREN AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE! YOU ARE THE WORST TEENAGER I HAVE EVER SEEN! GO AWAY! YOU ARE THE REASON FOR WORLD WAR ONE!"

"Wasn't that Hitler?" A bystander wondered curiously.

"NO!" The Crazy Bag Woman slammed her bag on Percy's face.

"Actually, I think it was because that one Duke got assassinated, right?" Someone else asked.

"Yeah, because all the countries were in some huge alliance." The manager agreed.

"YES!" The Crazy Bag Woman screamed.

"Whoa." Thalia and Nico said together, watching as the woman pummeled Percy mercilessly.


	12. Speechless

**Disclaimer: Do Not Own PJO.**

After a while, once the Crazy Bag Lady had been pulled off of Percy, and he had paid for the damage in the lobby, Percy managed to escape to his room with Nico and Thalia.

The room was pretty nice, with one large king size bed and two smaller queen size beds. The larger bed was directly in the front room, facing a big TV. Then, there was a pretty sweet bathroom, and then a second room with another TV and the queen size beds.

"This looks great!" Percy grinned. He collapsed on the big bed and closed his eyes.

"Percy!" Thalia squealed. She hopped onto the bed next to him and slapped at his chest. "Wake up! Let's go to the pool!"

"The pool?" Percy groaned. "Come on, we just got in here. Besides, we don't have any swimming clothes."

"Go to store!" Nico shouted. "By the pool!"

"What about food? Aren't you guys hungry?" Percy asked hopefully.

"Eat after." Nico decided. "Come on, come on, come on!"

Percy muttered under his breath, but stood up. After a couple minutes of finding his shoes, the room keys, and his wallet, they stepped outside again.

The crowd at the lobby seemed to have disappeared, which was definitely a relief. At the souvenir shop, Percy picked out blue swimming trunks for himself and Nico, and a red one-piece for Thalia. She snatched it eagerly and hurried into the changing room, leaving Percy and Nico outside.

"Uh, do you need help?" Percy asked awkwardly.

"No." Nico replied. He started to pull off his shirt.

"Hold on, Nico!" Percy blurted out. "You have to go into a changing room. You can't just change out here."

"Why?" Nico asked curiously.

"Uh, because no one really wants to see how you change your clothes." Percy explained lamely.

It seemed to be good enough for Nico, however, because he walked into the nearest changing room. Percy sighed in relief and hurried to change as well.

He was out before the kids. When they at last toddled out, handing their street clothes to him, he went up to the service desk and asked for a locker.

Finally, everything was sorted. Percy, Nico, and Thalia went into the pool.

Although Percy's dad was Poseidon, god of the seas, he still felt pretty good about getting in the water. He got wet, of course, (no need to give the mortals a scare) and it felt great.

Thalia was in the shallow end of the water, splashing at it and giggling and the tiny waves and ripples her movements created.

Nico, on the other hand, refused to get in. He was standing as far away from the pool as he could.

"Nico, come on in. Come join us." Percy called, keeping an eye on Thalia.

"No!" Nico yelled. "No!"

"It's not so scary. See, Thalia's in the water. You don't have to go far. Just stand on the steps." Percy offered.

"No!" Nico shouted. "No!"

"Okay, suit yourself." Percy shrugged.

After making sure that the lifeguards on duty were paying attention to everything, Percy closed his eyes and swam out a little. He turned onto his back and floated, relaxing and soaking in the silence of having his ears underwater.

Suddenly, Percy felt as though someone was crying. He lifted his head out of the water to see both Nico and Thalia screaming their heads off.

He hurried over to them. "Guys! Hey, calm down. What's wrong?"

"You can't go that far!" Thalia shouted accusingly.

"What are you talking about?" Percy was bewildered.

"In the water!" Nico elaborated. "You can't go that far!"

"Why not?" Now, Percy was slightly exasperated. "I'm a son of Poseidon. I love the water."

"But…but…" Thalia took a deep breath. "If you die, who will take care of us?"

Percy was speechless.


	13. Bedtime Story

**Disclaimer: Do Not Own PJO.**

Percy was a little peeved off.

After Thalia's little speech, he had taken both of them back to the room. He had pulled out new clothes for everyone to wear, and then grabbed Nico and Thalia's hands tightly.

"Where are we going?" Thalia asked, completely oblivious to Percy's darkening mood.

"Food." Percy grunted.

"I like food!" Nico yelled loudly.

Percy located the hotel's McDonalds. Shoving the two kids into a booth, he ordered them to stay put. Then, he went up and ordered a bunch of food.

By the time he brought it back, Thalia and Nico had realized that he was upset.

"Percy?" Thalia started timidly after a few minutes of silence. "Are you mad at us?"

Percy counted to ten and took three, deep, calming breaths.

"No, I'm not mad. Well, okay, maybe a little."

"We're sorry." Nico told him. "Right?"

"Right." Thalia nodded.

Percy sighed. "Thanks, you guys. It's just; you're both a pretty big handful to deal with. Plus, I'm not good with kids in the first place. I keep thinking that I'm going to mess up and get you both killed by accident."

Thalia and Nico stayed quiet.

"We don't have to go to the swans tomorrow." Nico offered slowly.

Percy smiled appreciatively at him. "No, it's cool. We'll go. As long as you guys promise me one thing – we'll go to bed early tonight."

"Okay." Thalia and Nico said together.

They finished their McDonalds quietly and then walked back to their room. Halfway through, Nico yawned.

Percy lifted him up gently, feeling a lot more content. Now that his secret was out in the open (even if they were just little kids) he felt a lot less pressure.

They all got into their pajamas and Percy helped Nico and Thalia into their beds.

"Good night." He told them.

"Good night." They echoed.

He crawled into his own bed, but he didn't fall asleep right away.

After a while of tossing and turning, Percy finally fell asleep. So of course, it would be completely unsurprising that as soon as he did, he was woken up.

"Percy?" Nico whimpered.

"Nico? What's the matter?" Percy sat up, noticing that Nico was on the ground next to his bed.

He leaned over and helped Nico under the covers. Not a moment later, Thalia leaped onto the bed, too.

"Percy, can you tell us a story?" Thalia begged. "I can't sleep."

"Okay." Percy sighed. "What should it be about?"

"A swan!" Nico shouted.

"A warrior princess." Thalia yawned.

Percy leaned back and pulled the blanket over all three of them. "Okay, I'll try my best."

He stopped for a moment to think. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess. She was the most beautiful princess in all the land. She had gorgeous, curly blonde hair and misty grey eyes, which felt like they could look into your very soul."

"What was her name?" Thalia prompted.

"Uh…Anne." Percy stumbled. "Yes, Princess Anne of…the Kingdom Athenaville. Well, anyway, Princess Anne of Athenaville was not just a pretty princess. She was a warrior. She fought better than anyone else in the land, men and women alike."

"Awesome." Thalia whispered.

"One day, Princess Anne ran into a problem. She wanted to…uh…pick some flowers for her dad, but to get to the flowers she wanted, she would have to cross a river. Now, this river was no normal river. To anyone, it looked pretty calm and nice. But as soon as a person put their foot in the river, it swirled up like a really scary hurricane! The weird thing, though, was that it only swirled up for humans. Not for animals."

Nico shuddered slightly.

"So, Princess Anne came up with a really smart idea. She found a swan sitting by the bank of the river and called out to it. She named it…um…Swany."

"Swany." Nico sighed dreamily.

"Right. Well, anyway, Princess Anne asked Swany to take her over to the flowers. Swany did as she asked, and soon, Princess Anne had the most beautiful bouquet of flowers to give to her dad. She asked Swany to take her back. Just as they made it, however, the river started to swirl up. Princess Anne put the flowers in Swany's mouth and shoved Swany to safety, landing in the river."

At that, Thalia gasped.

"Princess Anne took a deep breath of air and unsheathed her dagger that she always kept nearby. She started slashing the water, until it stopped becoming a hurricane. Suddenly, the nymphs who lived in the river were laughing and dancing. One of them thanked Anne, saying that she had freed them. Totally confused, Princess Anne returned to Swany, who had been waiting for her. Princess Anne got on Swany and rode away to the castle, where her dad was really happy to get those flowers. The end."

Percy smiled slightly as both Nico and Thalia fell asleep instantly. He closed his eyes, too, and thought of a very different warrior princess. One who'd kill him if she knew he called her "Anne."


	14. The Nutcracker

**Hi! I'm sorry I haven't updated! I've been so incredibly busy, it's kind of insane. School ended, and then I had to go to summer school. Next year is the real deal with all the hard classes, so I've been doing my best to get ahead while I can, too, which has seriously left me losing out on this story. Luckily, I have a whole week to do nothing but this. I'm going to do my absolute best to finish it within the next five days, so I don't leave you guys hanging for months again. **

**I've never seen The Nutcracker, so please ignore anything I got wrong! I've only seen the Barbie version.**

The next morning, Percy, Thalia, and Nico slept in. When they finally woke up, it was almost noon. It took almost two hours for the three of them to shower, get breakfast, and get moving back to the ballet.

"Hurry, you guys!" Percy urged. Just as they left, Percy ran back into their room and grabbed a water bottle, handing it to Thalia.

"How did you know I was thirsty?" Thalia asked in surprise, snatching it out of his hand.

Percy frowned. "I'm not sure."

"Maybe you're becoming physics!" Nico suggested.

"Physics?" Percy frowned. "I take that class junior year. I'm not a junior yet."

"What is physics?" Nico questioned.

Percy shook his head. The little dude did make a good point – why was he discussing this with two children? "Never mind. Come on, let's go."

Finally, they arrived at the ballet, out of breath, but just in time.

The same woman from the day before was sitting at the receptionist's desk. She looked disappointed to see them, as though she had really been hoping they wouldn't show up.

"Here are our tickets for The Nutcracker." Percy said politely.

"The theater is through those doors." The woman snapped, plucking the tickets from his hand. "_Please_ try not to break anything."

Percy winced at her tone, but tugged Thalia and Nico through the doors. The theater was pretty full, but the production, luckily, hadn't started yet.

They wove through the crowds and found their seats. Percy sat in the middle, with Thalia on his left and Nico on his right.

"Percy!" Nico whisper-yelled.

"What? Shush, I'm right here." Percy turned to him.

That seemed to be an incentive for Nico to be even louder. "I WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THALIA!"

"Okay!" Percy stood up and switched places with him. "Sit next to her."

Thalia made a face. "Ew! I don't want to sit next to Nico! He's a boy!"

"It's either Nico or me, Thals, and we're both boys." Percy informed her.

Thalia looked horrified. "Ew! Fine, I'll sit next to Nico, but only because I want to."

The two settled down, just as the lights dimmed and the music started up.

Percy tried to keep his attention focused on the ballet and the dancers. He really did. There was a cute brunette who was the main character – Clarissa, or Clara, or Katherine or something – and her love interest did some pretty impressive dance moves. The only problem was that Percy was severely ADHD. And the ballet seemed to drone on forever.

It was barely halfway through the show when Percy decided to check on the kids and see if they minded leaving. Maybe they could get some ice cream at McDonalds and go tear up the hotel lobby again.

His heart stopped when he looked down.

Nico and Thalia were gone!


	15. The Note

**Here's the next chapter, as promised. I'm going to do the next one tomorrow, since it's kind of late where I am. See you then!**

Percy got on his hands and knees and started crawling through the aisles.

"Nico?" He whispered, trying not to distract the audience. "Thalia? Where are you?"

They didn't answer. Percy managed to crawl through over half the audience before someone noticed him.

"Yo, dude." A teenager, maybe a couple years older than Percy, bent over. "What're you looking for?"

"My cousins are gone." Percy explained. "I think they crawled away somewhere. They're really young. How far could they have gone? They've got to be in the theater somewhere."

"Why are you crawling on the ground?" The guy drawled. He spoke in a voice that suggested he wasn't fully…aware of the situation.

"I don't want to interrupt anything." Percy replied. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go."

The teenager stared at him for a moment.

"My name is Elkon." He loudly announced. A couple people shushed him.

"Okay, thanks for the info." Percy muttered. "I really have to go."

Elkon stood up. "Amber alert! Amethyst alert! Amaranth alert! This boy is missing two children! They were crawled and stolen away from him!"

Percy stood up, as the cast on stage stopped and every eye on the room was suddenly on him.

"Sorry." He said. "I've got to go find them."

He turned and raced out the doors. Behind him, he heard Elkon begin singing a very loud, off-key rendition of "Breaking Free," from High School Musical.

"Wrong musical, dude." Someone told him.

Percy ignored everything. He skidded in front of the receptionist's desk.

"Have you seen the two kids I had with me before?" He blurted out.

The woman took her time looking up at him. "Are you Percy Jackson?"

"Yeah. How do you know?" Percy asked, suddenly wary. When random people knew his name, there was a good chance they weren't exactly "people."

"A man left this note with me for you." She handed it over.

It was regular computer paper, with magazine letters pasted on, for a complete, kidnapper's note.

Percy stared at it for a good minute before handing it back to the receptionist.

"I'm dyslexic." He said awkwardly.

The lady blinked. For a moment, she actually looked contrite. "Oh, I'm sorry. It says 'Percy Jackson – I have your two monkeys. Arrive at King's Peak at the Eastern Park for further instructions if you ever want to see them again."

"Does it say who took them?" Percy demanded.

The woman shook her head. "This is all. Do you want me to call the police? This is a serious situation."

"Oh!" Percy gave her a small smile and turned up his acting by one hundred. "Ha. No. See, this is just a joke. It's not really a kidnapping. I think it's one of my friends, playing a prank on me. He just wants to see me panic and freak out. It's funny for him."

The woman frowned. "What if it's not?"

"Then, I promise, I will call the police." Percy told her. "But I'm, like, ninety percent positive I know who it is."

The receptionist sighed. "Well, if you're sure. You really have some sadistic friends, though."

"Trust me." Percy Jackson muttered. "I know."


	16. EVIL

Percy didn't actually know who had taken his cousins, but he was one hundred percent certain that it was some Greek loser. Maybe Clarisse had come by to mess with him…or better, Ares. Percy was ready for a good fight with the war god.

He was at King's Peak at the Eastern Park in close to half an hour. No one else was around, so Percy wandered around. There were plenty of trees for cover, so Percy checked each one carefully, just in case anyone was hiding there. He had a feeling that Thalia and Nico weren't scared, just curious and a little bewildered. That was enough of a relief for Percy to know that they weren't being hurt. He didn't know how he was aware of their feelings, but he didn't care. He was just glad to know that they were okay for now.

As he circled the last tree, his hand gripping Riptide, which was still in pen form in his pocket, Percy noticed something in the tree branches.

He climbed up only to find a note tacked against the trunk of the tree. This note was written in Ancient Greek, and Percy translated easily.

"Look behind you."

"What?" Percy demanded to no one, turning around slowly. "What kind of message is that? Where are my cousins?"

He completed a U-turn, coming to the conclusion that there was nothing behind him. Or in front of him. Or anywhere at all. This was a total waste of time.

Percy was just about to jump down from the tree and storm back the ballet place, determined to interrogate witnesses, when something hit the back of his head.

Drowsily, he heard two male voices talking.

"'Look behind you'? What king of dumb message was that? Why did you write that down?"

"I'm sorry! I panicked. I'm not good with thinking on my feet."

"Clearly. You could have written literally anything else. How about 'be patient, you're almost there. Your cousins are safe.' That's a good one."

"That sounds stupid. 'Your cousins are safe,' we're supposed to be evil kidnappers, remember? Evil. E.V.I.L. Evil kidnappers don't reassure their victim that their kids are safe."

"Okay, I get it. Are you sure he's knocked out?"

"Yes. Wait. Do people usually move when they're passed out?"

"No!"

Then, everything went dark.


	17. Fountain of Evil

When Percy woke up, he was in a gorgeous garden. He looked around, feeling like Grover would have thought he was in satyr-heaven. A majestic fountain was spouting out deep blue water, and the water seemed to sparkle.

"Percy!"

Percy turned around just in time for Thalia and Nico to dive on top of him. He didn't even care that he fell backward, grabbing both of them tightly. "Oh my gods! I was so scared! What happened?"

"We don't know." Thalia shrugged. "I missed you."

"Oh, I missed you too, Thals." Percy hugged her close.

"Hey!" Nico whined.

"I missed you, too, Nico." Percy pulled Nico closer and ruffled his hair. "You guys have no idea how scared I was."

Just then, something felt off. Percy looked back at the fountain. It just looked so perfect…too perfect.

"Don't like it." Nico decided. "Boom!"

"Boom?" Percy asked absently. Then, it clicked. "Boom! Oh, gods, get back from the fountain!"

"Why?" Thalia asked innocently. She pulled herself off of Percy and ran toward it. "You can't catch me!"

"This is not a game!" Percy cried. He picked up Nico and placed him far enough away from the fountain that he felt was safe. "Nico, bud, you need to stay here. I'm trusting you, okay?"

"Okay." Nico said happily.

Percy turned around and ran after Thalia. Thankfully, being bigger, he managed to catch her easily. He scooped her up and began to jog back to Nico, only to discover that Nico was missing.

"Look at!" Nico called.

Percy turned around to see in horror as Nico splashed around in the fountain.

"NICO GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Percy yelled, racing toward him. In his panic, Thalia managed to wiggle out of his grip. She dashed past Percy right into the water with Nico.

As soon as she landed in there, the water swirled. Percy tried to control it, but he couldn't. It was like the water was evil or something, beyond his father's control. (Or maybe it wasn't sea water, but that didn't cross Percy's mind.)

The water splashed and swirled until there was a whirlpool in the fountain. Nico and Thalia screamed in exhilaration as they were pulled toward him. Percy also screamed, but for a different reason.

He leaped into the fountain, but it was too late. Nico and Thalia washed into the whirlpool and vanished, leaving Percy alone in the dried up fountain.

Percy wasn't done. He hadn't done all this just to be told his cousins were gone again. This time, he had an idea.

He stood up and faced the sky, Riptide in his hand. The sword gleamed in the fading sunlight.

"ZEUS! HADES! I demand to speak with you!"


	18. Adam Sandler

**OH MY GODS IT'S BEEN FOREVER SINCE I UPDATED OH MY GOD I COMPLETELY FORGOT THIS STORY EXISTED I AM SO SORRY OH MY GOD**

The sky rumbled angrily. There was a second, and then the ground gurgled up, too. Percy didn't feel particularly patient, but he waited. After a few minutes, everything receded into silence and a dark shape appeared in the distance.

Ares screeched up in his motorcycle. Instantly, Percy glared. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to take you to Olympus, punk, so show some respect." Ares snapped. "I'm not happy about being the errand boy, either, so don't make me mad or I'll blast you to bits."

Percy capped Riptide and waited. "So?"

"So, get on the bike." Ares snarled. They both winced.

Gingerly, doing his best not to touch the smoking war god, Percy climbed onto the motorcycle. As soon as he was on, Ares gunned it. Percy grabbed onto the back of the seat, praying to anyone listening he'd survive the ride.

Ares spun the bike a few times before it flew up into the air. As soon as the bike left solid ground, Percy forgot all thoughts of hatred and held on to Ares for dear life. If Zeus blasted them out of the sky, Ares probably wouldn't feel a thing, but Percy would be a burned chicken.

Literally.

Finally, the bike seemed to stop moving. Percy opened his eyes slowly and caught sight of Olympus, with the motorcycle safely on the ground again. He sighed in relief and tentatively let go of Ares.

They screeched into the throne room and Percy stumbled off. He felt like he could barely walk, but he traipsed up to Zeus's throne anyway. Zeus and Hades both looked down at him, but he couldn't gauge their expressions.

"Hey."

"HEY? HEY?" Zeus yelled. Okay, so Zeus was being a hothead, as usual. "YOU LOSE OUR CHILDREN AND ALL YOU SAY IS 'HEY'?!"

"Calm down, brother." Hades said, through thinned lips. "Let's look at this logically. Nothing actually went according to plan."

"Right." Percy shook his head. "What was the plan, again?"

"Never you mind." Hades waved the question away. "Now, we must focus on rescuing Nico and Thalia."

Zeus took a deep breath and nodded tightly. "Very well, then."

"Wait hold on." Percy interrupted. "Rescue? Where are they?"

"They were kidnapped by the spirit of a ghost, who plans to hold them for ransom until Hades returns his life force and he walks the earth again." Zeus explained. "But we cannot negotiate, because we know he will kill them as soon as he is alive again."

"Who?" Percy asked in awe. "Hitler? Stalin? Mussolini? Franco? Kim Jong-Un?"

"Kim Jong-Un is alive – that's not the point." Hades snapped. "You must be wary. He is one of ultimate trickery and treachery. He will make you believe you have won before he unleashes his final disaster."

"Who _is_ he?"

Hades took a deep breath, as if the God of the Underworld was afraid to say the ghost's name. "Adam Sandler."

Percy blinked.

"Not that Adam Sandler." Zeus growled, knowing fully well exactly where his nephew's mind had jumped. "Adam – a common name from England, after British-ruled Palestine, and Sandler, after he moved to America in the early 1800s and landed on a beach and decided to build his home on the sand, thus from then since referred to as the sandler; now Adam Sandler."

Percy's eyes glazed over. Zeus was worse than his fifth grade history teacher, and her favorite subject was the term of President Rutherford B. Hayes, where literally nothing important happened.

"Gods, Athena was right." Hades whispered to his brother. "How does Annabeth brief Poseidon's son on anything?"

Zeus grumbled. Percy shook his head and brought himself back to the present. "Right. What were you saying? Adam Sandler is the ghost? Man, I didn't even know he died."

"Real shame." Zeus snapped.

"Anyway." Hades interrupted. "I have three pearls for you to use to get Thalia, Nico, and yourself out of the Underworld."

"How do I get there?" Percy asked.

"You'll be coming with me, of course." Hades replied. "Persephone is expecting me. I can't spend all my time up here."

"Uh – okay." Percy agreed. "How are we getting there? Do you fly? Shadow travel? Are we going to fall through the ground on skeletons?"

"Nephew, you ask too many questions and you have much too big an imagination." Hades sighed. "Just follow me."

Percy did, a bit of excitement growing in his chest. Despite the gnawing anxiety that Nico and Thalia were missing, he was actually a little curious to see how Hades got around. Maybe it was flame horses. Maybe it was a hearse!

They walked out of the throne room into something that resembled the street, if the road was made of clouds. Hades snapped his fingers and a satyr dashed up.

"Be right with you, my lord!" The satyr called before rushing away.

Not a second later, a sleek, slim, black Lamborghini screeched to a stop directly in front of them.

"_This_ is your ride?" Percy squeaked. "This could probably buy my college education."

"Don't get me started on college education." Hades grumbled as a nymph opened the door for them. "Nico's been pestering me about saving up, since his mother opened an account, and have you seen the prices? Even if I sold this car and sold my entire kingdom and moved in with my brother, I'd _still_ be in debt! I talked to one of the advisers at that one school Nico really had an interest in, and wouldn't you know it, my castle would get him free textbooks. That's it. Not even one year! You'd think, maybe a CASTLE would at least get a year of schooling, but oh no –"

Percy made sure he was settled in and his seatbelt was on before letting his eyes glaze over.


	19. Wishes & Wants

Surprisingly, it didn't take very long to reach the Underworld. They were soon pulling in front of Charon's ferry.

"Why don't we just take the car all the way to your castle?" Percy asked curiously.

"Charon's ferry is the only way to get to my home, and there are laws that even gods cannot break, nephew."

"Gotcha." Percy mumbled.

Hades was the boss, so Percy didn't have to pay the fare to get into the Underworld. He wondered if that was how normal kids felt if their relatives owned stuff. It would be pretty sweet to get into Six Flags for free whenever he wanted. Of course, it was his luck that instead of Six Flags, his family could get him into the Underworld for free.

Persephone was waiting outside the gates of the palace, which Percy found odd. She looked concerned, which was also odd.

"What did Zeus say?" She demanded as soon as she saw Hades, completely ignoring Percy.

"We're sending Poseidon's son after the ghost." Hades replied.

"Of all the demigods!" Persephone grumped. "Mother would be most displeased."

"Luckily, Demeter is not here right now." Hades reminded her. "So I can do what I want, and I want Perseus Jackson to find the children and bring the Sandler to justice."

"Ouch. Using and abusing the name, dude." Percy grumbled. At that, both Hades and Persephone looked at him.

Hades sighed and stalked away, and Persephone winced.

"Come with me, demigod. You must remember that the Adam Sandler is incredibly crafty. He will make you believe you have won before he unleashes his final trap." Persephone reminded him. "I believe you should start near the Field of Punishment. It is most likely he is holding the children there."

"Alright, I'll begin there." Percy replied seriously. Now that danger was beginning to resurface, he felt more steadied and focused. He needed to work on saving Thalia and Nico. "What's the plan?"

"Good luck." Persephone shrugged. "I hope to see you soon."

"With your stepson?" Percy asked.

"Well…sure." Persephone sighed. "I suppose if you have the chance, you should probably save him. Anyhow, I'll be in the palace if you have any more questions."

Percy took that to mean she really didn't want him to have any more questions.

He squared his shoulders and took off walking down to the Fields of Punishment. It worried him a little that he was beginning to know the layout of the Underworld so well.

Riptide felt comforting in his pocket, and he was relieved to know that Thalia and Nico felt peaceful. In fact, he could have sworn they were sleeping. At least they weren't being harmed – if this Sandler had hurt them, Percy would have seen red.

As he trooped along, he heard Tantalus moaning loudly and the sound of Sisyphus straining to lift his boulder. He wondered if his connection would somehow help him find them sooner. He'd started feeling this odd sensation ever since Thalia and Nico had disappeared. He had felt a weird thing happening whenever Thalia and Nico needed something. Maybe he could actually put that stupid sense to use.

He closed his eyes and focused. All of a sudden, something tugged on his heart. It was like there was a string, connected to him, and it was pulling him straight. He followed it, and after a few minutes, it swung him to the right.

Figuring that it was definitely something more than indigestion, Percy followed it, walking faster and faster.

He started to catch a glimpse of the outskirts of the Underworld, areas where Hades' skeletons hadn't started construction yet. There were plenty of caves here, like there was a giant space inside the rocky wall and the caves were just entrances.

Nico and Thalia were inside one of the caves, Percy could feel it. He felt for Riptide and gripped it comfortingly before squaring his shoulders and creeping forward. He kept his eyes peeled for anything suspicious, extra cautious of any traps with MADE IN ADAM SANDLER written on them.

Silently, and with more seriousness than most gods thought he had the ability to muster, Percy prayed that he would find his cousins and bring them back safely. More than anything else in the world (except maybe Annabeth) Percy wanted his two cousins safe and returned to their normal age.


	20. They're Back

Percy crept up the rocky crevices and entered the first cave, following the feeling pulling him toward his cousins. Something shifted and he ducked, but a bird resembling a skeleton chicken flew out of the cave.

He wondered if there were bats in the Underworld.

Bringing himself back to attention, Percy crawled further into the cave. Briefly, he wondered where Adam Sandler was. Everyone had warned him that he was incredibly dangerous and crafty, and Percy was sure he should have run into at least one of his traps by now.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, he heard the ceiling dislodge itself.

Percy swore under his breath (in both Greek and English) and hurled through the tunnel, narrowly avoiding the crushing rocks hitting the ground behind him. He barely screeched to halt at the edge of the tunnel, missing a sheer drop by only a few inches.

He uncapped Riptide and shined the light across the cavern. At the very center of the abyss, he could see Thalia and Nico. They were both fast asleep, wrapped in individual blankets, black for Thalia, light pink for Nico. Percy's heart dropped in terror, however, when he noticed that they weren't sleeping in beds or on the ground – rather, they were on a dainty net that was just barely holding them up. Past that…Percy couldn't see. Nor did he really want to.

He slid down the rocks as cautiously as possible, doing his best not to disturb the fragile netting. If he could just get the net onto some rocks, he could pull the two of them close enough to grab. Then even if the net fell, they'd be safe.

Percy was so focused on his plan that he didn't notice the shadowy figure staring at him intensely from the ceiling.

"PERSEUS JACKSON!"

Percy groaned and looked up. "Look, I really don't like my full name, okay? Just stick to Percy, man."

There was a second of a pause, and then the figure continued. "NO MATTER. I AM –"

"Adam Sandler, yeah I know. Listen buddy, kidnapping two kids is really not that cool. I mean, I saw you in Bedtime Stories, so obviously you have some experience with children, and you really should know that."

This time, the silence was longer. "I AM THE SANDLER, AND I HAVE TAKEN YOUR COUSINS. I DEMAND RELEASE INTO THE MORTAL WORLD AND YOU MAY HAVE YOUR FAMILY RETURNED TO YOU SAFELY. IF NOT, THEY SHALL DROP INTO THE DARKNESS, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN!"

Percy rolled his eyes. "Geez, man, you're just as dramatic as you were in Anger Management. My late ex-stepfather used to love that movie. Honestly, I never got why. I mean, I guess it's okay, but I thought it really could have used a better plotline, and some likeable characters."

"YOUR COUSINS WILL DIE!"

"Oh, right." Percy turned to look at the net holding Nico and Thalia. "Hey, how about we take this fight outside? You and I can go at it, sword to sword, and whoever wins can have the grand prize."

"NEVER!"

"What are you, chicken?" Percy taunted. "We can go outside, have all the space we need for me to kick your Sandler-sized butt."

"I WILL NOT FALL FOR YOUR TRICKS. I AM THE ULTIMATE TRICKSTER! I AM THE SANDLER!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know already. Honestly, how many movies have you even made? Why do you think no one knows who you are?"

Adam Sandler seemed to swell in the darkness, probably from rage. While he began to scream about his name, and that he wasn't a movie actor, and what was a movie anyway, Percy inched toward the rope.

As he got closer, he heard the softest sound of a water drip. His good old Seaweed Brain began to work out a plan.

Water always healed him when he needed it. He'd never tried to transfer his abilities to someone else, but he was about to do a science experiment that might get him kicked out of Demigod Life. Forever.

As the Sandler kept ranting, Percy slowly stuck out his hand. He felt the blood rush to his head and he closed his eyes and concentrated.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP THIS! I DEMAND YOU STOP!"

Percy's hypersenses could feel Adam Sandler leap from his perch. He was about to land on the net, which would completely disintegrate under his weight.

At the exact moment he landed, water shot up straight to the ceiling. Percy managed to steer it onto the rocks, and set his precious cargo in the cave next to his. With half his effort on keeping Adam Sandler from recovering, Percy used his other half to gently touch Thalia and force his healing on her. When she starting to breathe heavily, Percy moved on to Nico.

He stared in amazement as their bodies glowed golden. The light enveloped them completely, so even he couldn't see. When it faded, Thalia and Nico stared at him, back to their fully grown sizes.

His senses, that had been so hyped about how they were feeling, faded with the golden light. He no longer had to concern himself that Thalia had allergies or that Nico was constipated. Instead, he felt each of their presence in a different way. He knew if he closed his eyes, he would still be able to tell where they were on the battlefield, if they needed help, how fatigued they were.

"'Sup, guys." Percy nodded to them.

Thalia rolled her eyes.

"What happened and where are we?" Nico asked.

"Well." Percy paused. Before he could think about something to say, Thalia had knocked him down and Nico had kicked something right behind him. The Sandler squealed in pain and wheeled backward.

Percy, slightly dazed, scrambled back up and sidled in between his cousins. "Thanks guys."

"Don't mention it." Nico grunted. "I want my sword."

"Don't be a baby." Thalia grumbled. "Oh…."

"Oh." Nico agreed.

"Oh what?" Percy asked.

"Oh, that's what happened." Thalia replied.

"Uh…okay." Percy drew his sword. "Anyway. You will not believe what happened."

"Percy, that's what the 'oh' meant." Nico sighed.

Before Percy could consider this, the Sandler swung back up. This time, he was cackling maniacally, like he actually had a plan.

"Don't think you can win and get out of this alive, you foolish children!" He screeched. With that, he rocketed into the air and threw the roof. For a second, everything was silent. Then, the ceiling began to cave in.


End file.
